


Rose Up From the Dead

by DarkMage13



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, F/M, Light on the Reylo in this it's Ben Solo-centric, Yes I got inspired by a Taylor Swift song save me, except for ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23626837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkMage13/pseuds/DarkMage13
Summary: Kylo Ren's emotions made it easy to do what he needed to do.Ben Solo's emotions made it hard to do what he wanted to do.Kylo/Ben character study.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Rose Up From the Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Decided I needed a short break and wanted to do a short character study of Kylo Ren/Ben Solo but then this got away from me.
> 
> Ben lives because I say so.

It’s easy to do things out of spite.

It’s easy to do things out of anger.

It’s easy to do things when one is lusting after revenge for many wrongs.

Get the map.

Get the map to Luke Skywalker. Get his revenge. Finish what he didn’t that night.

Kylo Ren knew he was driven. Dedicated to this singular goal. He was always driven, but this was all-consuming like a wildfire.

As he stalked through the woods, lightsaber ignited for any pressing adversaries—he never left anything to chance—he realized he was the image everyone expected of him.

Be the monster he was expected to be.

His mother sent him away. His father had no word on that. His uncle thought he was beyond saving. His master told him he was destined for greatness on the dark side.

That was one expectation he could fulfill, right? Finish what Darth Vader started. The only legacy he could fulfill.

He wasn’t meant to be the pure and good Skywalker, right? Right.

Then he felt it again. Just a feeling in the force. An awakening. The call—the sheer _pull_.

He had to get the map, now.

Then the girl he heard so much about was in front of him, shooting at him without a second thought—he was used to that, being attacked first. He deflected her shots with ease and froze her on the spot, looking her up and down.

She was helpless and vulnerable now, sheer terror in her hazel eyes.

That was worse than when his uncle stared at him with murderous intent in his eyes.

And to his luck—or misfortune, he was never, ever lucky—she had seen the map.

Kylo Ren was dedicated, he knew.

Very dedicated.

And yet the map was no longer his highest priority.

His master called him out on his compassion. Kylo couldn’t even deny it. Compassion. Compassion for a girl who hated him.

The only reason he even remotely cared about getting the map now was to prevent more lives from being lost.

He should let them die. His mother and father were there. They should all die, right? He had to kill what he loved. Destroy all attachments. The Resistance should die.

Compassion. Kill his own compassion. Be the monster they all knew him to be.

Don’t be weak. Be like his grandfather. Resolute. Willing.

So why is it he was so angry the girl escaped? Why? He should be angry that the chance to get the map was fleeting. But that wasn’t the reason. It was far from the reason.

He was angry because more were going to die as a result. The senselessness of an entire system vanishing from existence shook his soul.

Kylo Ren had to kill the light within, fast.

As he stood on the bridge, his resolve was fading.

Compassion. His father still had compassion for him. Why? He was a monster. He was nothing but a monster in the eyes of everyone.

“My son is alive.”

His son was weak, foolish. He needed to die.

Kylo Ren’s soul was torn to the bone as he plunged the lightsaber into Han Solo.

It should have been easy. It should have been so easy.

Yet it did nothing but hurt every single second. He didn’t hesitate, but at what cost to his own spirit?

Then there was the girl. New. Wide-eyed. _Terrified._

Not of him anymore. No, terrified of her own powers. Just like he was once upon a time.

Compassion.

“We’re not done yet.”

She called him a monster with intent to kill.

He was used to it.

The second the lightsaber ignited in her grip, he had no choices left.

For a second, for one second he thought he was going to finally pay penance as she swung her lightsaber up in an arc over his face, inflicting a wound that would never heal. A scar to match the monster.

Kylo Ren stared at her, skin burning and his soul cracking.

His master berated him for losing. Losing to a girl who never wielded a lightsaber before. Losing to her out of compassion.

He didn’t hesitate when he killed Han Solo. That should have been enough? Right? He didn’t know anymore.

_Slam! Bash!_ His knuckles were bleeding as the remains of his mask crumbled to the floor.

Why was this so hard?

Why. Why. They expected him to be on the side of the dark. All of them. Why was it so hard to fully commit? Why was his soul so torn? Why is it he couldn’t be immersed and do its bidding? Why so conflicted?

He couldn’t even kill his mother. His _mother_ , the leader of the Resistance. He couldn’t do it.

Kylo Ren should have killed Leia Organa.

Then, the girl—the scavenger who branded the face of a monster, shot at him with intent to kill. But she failed.

“You are a monster,” she said.

She was right.

“Yes I am.”

Why was it so easy to reach out and touch her hand?

Why was it so easy to want to touch her hand again?

Why was it so easy to feel her pain?

And somehow she showed up.

No one ever showed up for him. No one. No one ever looked at him like he wasn’t a monster.

Nobody trusted him, he didn’t trust anybody.

Except her.

Bringing the girl to his master was a mistake, or maybe it wasn’t. Kylo Ren was a master strategist; he had to have a plan if he wanted the girl to live.

His master had to die.

And so the Supreme Leader fell, torn in half because Kylo Ren refused to kill.

It was too easy not to kill her. It was too easy to kill his mentor. It was too easy to kill the guards with her. It was too easy to plead and beg for her to join him.

But she left. She rejected him.

He was used to everyone leaving.

And when they came back they rubbed it in his face.

“I failed you Ben. I’m sorry.”

Kylo Ren was alone. Always alone.

And his revenge was cold and bitter. It wasn’t completed. His quest was for nothing. His dedication was for naught.

So he screamed.

What did he just do except let his pride blind him? Anger and pain and his soul torn in half. Nothing left except loneliness, a familiar feeling.

She shut the door on him, and he deserved it.

Kylo Ren ruled the First Order, but he didn’t care. He just didn’t care. He didn’t want anything else. Power was useless if alone.

He dedicated himself to finding the Resistance, just for the girl.

The Emperor was alive somehow. He didn’t dwell on the how, only that the Emperor wanted her dead.

To hell with that.

The only one Kylo Ren wanted dead was Emperor Palpatine for daring to make that order.

It had crossed his mind several times that maybe he could go back to the light—no that was a ridiculous suggestion. He was too far gone now. Nowhere to go.

The only way now was to pull her in too.

“Ben.”

His mother. His mother stopped him from inflicting harm on the girl.

And like that, his torn soul was torn apart again, barely hanging on a thread.

Gone.

His mother’s force signature was gone forever.

And now he was going to die. This was his just end. He accepted his own death much easier than the others around him.

The girl reached out and healed his fatal wound.

“I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand.”

What was he supposed to do with that?

Why? Why did she want him? Why did she want _Ben Solo?_

That side he tried to cut off. That part of him that needed to die.

His father—a mere memory—dealt the harsh truth.

“Kylo Ren is dead. My son is alive.”

Perhaps… Perhaps his father was right.

It’s easy to shed away the appearance.

It’s easy to run and fret over the last remaining love in his life.

It’s easy to endure the beating, the lightning.

It’s difficult to watch her body lying on the ground.

It’s difficult to feel her die.

It’s difficult to hold her in his arms.

It’s easy to give her all he had.

Ben Solo wanted Rey to live. He killed everything he loved, he led too many to their deaths.

He was supposed to fade into the force with the ghost of her lips his last memory.

But he didn’t.

He was still alive, somehow. The force refused to let him abandon her.

Ben was the pawn in the entire story, but he laughed at them.

_Surprise,_ he thought.

He rose up from the dead, accepted for once in his life because of who he is, was, and forever be.

It’s easy to love.

And Ben Solo has a lot of love in his compassionate heart.


End file.
